Hurtful Lies
by gabiabi
Summary: What if Mulder wasn't told that Scully's cancer had gone into remission?...
1. Chapter1

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Title: Hurtful Lies  
Author: Gabiabi  
Rating: PG  
Classification: Angst, MSR  
Summary: What if Mulder wasn't told that Scully's cancer had gone into remission?  
Spoilers: Redux II  
Disclaimer: Any characters you recognise are not mine  
  
Author's note:- I'm not in any way medically trained so please excuse any medical inaccuracies. I tried my best to research it but it's quite hard to do that and very time consuming. that said, I do hope that it's not too badly inaccurate.  
  
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Scully looked at the three people around her bed, each face as worried as the next in their own way. Although her brother Bill tried hard not to show how scared he was, she could see past his blank facade. Mulder on the other hand looked too weary to even try and hide his emotions so the fear and worry were written plainly on his face. Her mother stroked a lock of hair from her face, trying to keep up her hopeful attitude that had been vastly depleted by her afternoon visit when Scully had told her that she wasn't getting better. They were all waiting for the doctor to come in with the latest test results, which, depending on what they said, could well be the very last tests she would ever have. All four turned quickly to the door as it opened suddenly and the doctor came through it, no hint on his face of what news he had.  
  
"Is everyone staying for this Dana?"  
  
"Yes..."  
  
"I think this should be just family actually Dana."  
  
"Bill..."  
  
"It's okay Scully, I'll go. You can let me know afterwards."  
  
"Mulder..."  
  
"Hey, it's alright. I...I don't know if I should be wishing you good luck or what but...good luck."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
Mulder bent down over her to press a gentle kiss on her forehead and she reached out with one hand to grab his. He held it tightly for a brief instant until he heard Bill clearing his throat pointedly. He gave her hand one last squeeze and then made his way across the room and through the door. Mulder sat on the chair just outside her room and, unable to remain calm, he jiggled his legs up and down, impatiently waiting to know her prognosis. Realising that this could be it - that he would not in a few minutes whether the chip or the extreme medical methods used had worked or not - his legs stilled. He buried his face in his hands and prayed fervently to a God he didn't really believe in to ask him to have mercy on Scully and let her be cured.  
  
When the doctor left the room he could sit still no longer and, standing up, began to pace up and down the corridor, waiting for someone to come tell him that it was okay to go back in. Deep in thought as he paced, he spun round and nearly crashed right into Bill who had just come through the door of Scully's room. He closed the door behind him so that Mulder could not see into the room and folded his arms across his chest, not speaking.  
  
"What did the doctor say? Is she going to be okay?"  
  
"No, Mr Mulder, she's not. Your 'chip' thing didn't work. She's not getting any better."  
  
"What...I...I thought."  
  
"Yes well Mr Mulder. We all know what you thought - that you'd come in and magically cure her so she would stay with you and get hurt on your next mission. It's not going to happen - she probably won't be well enough to leave the hospital, never mind go chasing after your little green men with you."  
  
"I just wanted her to get better...I...can I see her?"  
  
"She doesn't want you to go back in Mr Mulder. She hates you for getting her hopes up for nothing - she doesn't want to see you again."  
  
"Scully...she hates me?"  
  
"Don't tell me you're surprised? Think about it, would you want to see the person who was killing you slowly and painfully? The bastard who dangles a so-called cure in front of you, giving you hope and then to have it crushed by the doctors - the doctors who know what they're doing?"  
  
"I suppose not...I...I'd better go."  
  
"Yes I think you'd better."  
  
"Tell Scully..."  
  
"She doesn't want to see you Mr Mulder, why on earth would she give a shit about anything you have to say?"  
  
"I...I..."  
  
Mulder clamped his mouth shut, not wanting to show how much he was hurting to Bill. He turned away from him and walked down the corridor to the elevators, his shoulders slumped in defeat. Bill watched him go and the corners of his mouth turned up in a self-satisfied smirk. He waited until the lift doors had closed on Mulder before grinning outright and turned to go back into his sister's hospital room. He had opened the door before he noticed that Mulder had left his suit jacket lying on the chair beside the one that he had been sitting waiting on. His mother had noticed him in the doorway and was looking puzzled at him, wondering why he had paused. He decided to just go into the room and ignore the jacket, thinking that Mulder would come back and pick it up later. He knew that if he took it in, not only would his sister and mother know that Mulder had left hurriedly, but also that Mulder would have to come into the room to find it thus seeing Dana.  
  
"Where's Mulder, Bill. Is he not coming in?"  
  
"Mulder had to go home. He says he's sorry but he had to go."  
  
"What? Didn't Fox want to come in and see Dana?"  
  
"I don't know mom. He just said he had to go and then off he went."  
  
"Oh, I thought he would come in, I wanted to see him. Why wouldn't he come in, mom?"  
  
"I don't know honey. Why don't you phone him and find out?"  
  
"I'll need to phone him later, mom. His cell will be switched off since he got told off for using it in the hospital earlier. I'll give him time to get home and then phone him to find out what's up."  
  
"Okay Dana. Why don't you get some sleep while you wait. I'll wake you back up in half an hour or so."  
  
"Thanks mom. I am pretty tired."  
  
"No wonder, honey, you've had a long day. Sweet dreams."  
  
Maggie stroked her daughter's hair gently as she watched her eyes close and her breathing grow even. When she was sure Dana was fast asleep she took her hand away and sat down on the chair beside the bed to wait. It was not long before her eyelids began to droop and soon she too was asleep. Bill watched the two of them sleep for a moment and then turned to the door to go back to his mother's house like he had planned since he didn't particularly like hospitals. As he walked passed the chairs outside the room he saw that Mulder's jacket was still lying there and he paused, considering taking it into the room where it would be safer and less likely to go missing. He shook off the thought and began walking again towards the elevators, glad to be getting out of the hospital.


	2. Chapter2

Mulder waited until the doors of the lift had fully closed, blocking him from Bill's view, before punching the cold metal wall. The noise it made sounded unnaturally loud in the small lift car and blood began to run unchecked from his knuckles. He slumped back against the side of the elevator and looked blankly at his reflection in the wall opposite him. Replaying the conversation he'd just had with Bill in his head, he let out a choked sob when he once again knew that Scully was going to die. His eyes filled with tears and he did nothing to stop them from falling until the lift stopped at the next floor and a man joined him in the elevator. He half-heartedly tried to wipe away the tears but didn't really care very much when he was unsuccessful. The man turned to Mulder and, seeing his tears and pain-filled expression, patted him on the shoulder.  
  
"Bad news?"  
  
"It's the worst news I could have ever heard."  
  
The man looked at him hopefully as if expecting him to say more, to fill him in on the gory details but Mulder just closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the side of the lift. The doors opened at the next floor and the man got off, seemingly disappointed that he had not been told Mulder's sob story. Alone again on the elevator, Mulder allowed the tears to fall once more, still leaning against the side of the lift for support. When the doors opened on the ground floor it took Mulder a moment to realise that this was where he was to get off and he only just made it through the doors before they closed again. He began to walk towards the swing doors at the end of the corridor when he felt a hand on his arm, stopping him from progressing forward.  
  
"Sir...excuse me sir...are you alright?"  
  
Mulder looked down at the enquiring face of the young nurse who had stopped him, confused as to why she was not letting him go. She tugged his shirtsleeve up, looking at his bruised and bloodied hand in concern as he blinked back more tears. He looked uncomprehendingly at her when she repeated her question; unable to understand how she could ask him that.  
  
_'Doesn't she know that I will never be all right again? If Scully dies then I die too. Can't she tell I've just had my heart ripped out of my chest? I'm never going to see my partner -my everything- again. How is she unaware that the most important person in my life is lying in a hospital bed 6 floors above us, dying because of me? Doesn't she know my life is over? Over. Without Scully my life is pointless. I need her, I need my Scully.'_  
  
Mulder was still completely lost in his miserable, rambling thoughts when the nurse spoke to him again. Receiving no answer from him she raised her voice to try to get through to him, worried by his detached and obviously depressed demeanour. She lifted his injured hand up to his face to try and break across the barrier he had up, hoping that when he saw the blood he would come back to earth from wherever he was at the moment. He let out a strangled cry as he was wrenched from his thoughts, making the nurse think that she had hurt him when she had touched his hand.  
  
"Sorry sir...I didn't realise...sir?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Sir, your hand. You've hurt it. It needs to be cleaned up and bandaged."  
  
"It's fine...I'm fine..."  
  
"It's not fine, the cuts are still bleeding. Sir?"  
  
"I need her...Scully."  
  
"Who's Scully? I'll go get her if you tell me where she is."  
  
"No! ...Leave me alone. I'm fine."  
  
Mulder had been confused when the nurse had first started talking since he hadn't even noticed that his hand was bleeding. When she mentioned Scully though, he snatched his hand away from the bewildered nurse and shoved it into his pocket, not even flinching as the fabric snagged on the cuts. The nurse watched helplessly as he walked away and ignored her calls as he went through the swing doors to the hospital entrance.  
  
He made his way through the hospital foyer and walked all the way to his car in the car park before realising that he had left his jacket with his car-keys in the pocket, upstairs. He tilted his head upwards, looking up at the 7th floor windows of the hospital building and considered going back inside to get it. It began to rain while he was still standing deciding and he welcomed the cold moisture on his face, mixing with the tears that were still falling. He decided not to go back in, instead choosing to stay out in the rain, and he made his way out of the car park onto the main road. His tears clouded his eyes, making his vision blurry as he made his way along the pavement, not going anywhere in particular. After bumping into several other pedestrians walking the opposite way to him, he opted to cross the road and head towards the nearby park. He knew that, in this weather, he would find the solitude he craved in order to let out his grief there. He turned to cross the road and stepped off the kerb at the exact same moment that a car came speeding round the corner.  
  
The sound of squealing breaks and the smell of burnt rubber filled the air as the driver tried desperately to stop but it was too late. Mulder froze in mid-stride, looking at the car as it came towards him and everything seemed to him to be moving in slow motion as he realised that it was going to hit him. Onlookers watched in horror as the car hit Mulder straight on and, after being slammed right into the bonnet, his body was hurled into the air over the roof of the car. A nearby pedestrian screamed as she watched him fly through the air towards her, coming to land mere yards away from her. The horrific sound of breaking bones could be heard by everyone watching as he came pounding back down to the ground. The crowd of bystanders were stunned into silence as they observed him lying motionless in a heap in the middle of the road, 30 feet from where he had been standing.  
  
The driver shakily got out of his car and ran towards the still form, terrified that the man he had hit was dead. He knelt beside him and, wincing at the site of the battered and broken body, carefully put his fingers to the side of his neck. Searching frantically for a pulse, the man shouted hysterically at the aghast audience as he realised he was not going to find one.  
  
"There's no pulse. We need medical help out here. Someone get a doctor, he's not breathing." 


	3. Chapter3

Two of the people watching rushed back into the hospital that they had just left to get Mulder the urgent attention that he so obviously needed. They returned with two doctors and two nurses pushing a gurney over to Mulder, who was still completely unresponsive. A third nurse followed close behind them with a portable defibrillator and a backboard. They quickly reached Mulder and the driver, who had been performing CPR on him, stood back and let them take over.  
  
"Take over CPR, Collins. We're going to have to logroll him and get him on the backboard before we shock him. Everyone get in position, this has to be done quickly. Matthews, support his neck and head. Jamieson, make sure you're ready to fit the board in place as soon as we roll him. Everyone ready? ... On my count, 1,2,3 roll."  
  
The five medical staff worked quickly and efficiently to get Mulder strapped onto the backboard and the neck collar on him. Once he was fully immobilised, the more senior doctor unhooked the paddles from the defibrillator and motioned to the younger doctor to be ready with the ambu-bag in order to provide artificial respiration. The nurses stood by, waiting for them to shock Mulder with one of them ready to check for a pulse after each attempt.  
  
"Charge to 200... Clear..."  
  
"...Still no pulse."  
  
"Let's go again. Charge to 300... Clear..."  
  
"...Nothing."  
  
"Go to 350...Clear..."  
  
"...I've got a faint pulse! We got him back."  
  
"Great. Matthews, keep bagging him. Let's get him on the gurney and inside. Now."  
  
Keeping him on the backboard, four of them lifted him onto the waiting gurney, the fifth still helping him breath with the ambu-bag. The crowd cleared a path for them to get through, all of them still dumbstruck by the site they had just witnessed. The driver followed them as they started to move the gurney and, still shaky, was helped along by one of the bystanders. The medical team rolled the gurney across the road and into the entrance of the ER where they were met by the trauma surgeon.  
  
"Give me the bullet."  
  
"MVA, car versus pedestrian. Victim is an approx. 30 yr old white male. BP 100/50, pulse 120. Lost his vitals in the field but got him back after three shock attempts. He's got blunt trauma to the abdomen, obvious break to his right lower extremity and a shoulder dislocation. His GCS is 3."  
  
"What's open?"  
  
"Trauma 2."  
  
"Let's go."  
  
The gurney was pushed hurriedly along to one of the trauma rooms and Mulder was put on an EKG machine, measuring each beat of his heart. He remained unconscious as all the doctors and nurses worked on him, trying to save his life. The senior doctor kept Matthews, the med-student, busy answering his questions as they performed the necessary procedures. Orders were shouted, commands were obeyed and more equipment was brought in as life-threatening conditions other than his head injury were brought to light.  
  
"Hang two litres of saline and run them in wide open. I need a type and cross-match for 6. We need X-rays; cross table c-  
spine, chest, pelvis and right lower extremity. Get the portable X-ray in here now."  
  
"His pulse ox is too low. We're going to need to intubate. Give me Lidocaine - 1mg/kg IV. Why are we giving him this before we intubate him, Matthews?"  
  
"To prevent an increase in his intercranial pressure."  
  
"That's correct. Okay, he's intubated. Listen to the chest Matthews, what do you hear?"  
  
"Decreased breath sounds on the right but no mid-line shift of the trachea."  
  
"Which means what?"  
  
"He's got a pneumothorax of the right lung. Also indicated by the pleural stripe that has fallen away from the chest wall on his chest X-ray."  
  
"Good. Jamieson, prep the chest and have suction ready, he's going to need a chest tube."  
  
"Right, the chest tubes in. His BP's dropping - he's bleeding out, we can't wait for the type specific. Get the O-neg going now Collins."  
  
"First two units are in."  
  
"He's tachycardic and his BP's still dropping. He's losing blood and going into hypovalemic shock. Hang another two units of O-neg on the rapid infuser and set up for a peritoneal lavage, we need to find out the source of the bleed."  
  
"Do we have next-of kin for surgical consent?"  
  
"He's a John Doe - nobody from the site of the accident knew him."  
  
"We'll just need to do it without consent - it's an emergency surgery."  
  
"Peritoneal-lavage is positive for blood, let's get him up to the OR now!"  
  
Mulder was wheeled quickly through the ER on his gurney to the elevators by the trauma surgeon and Nurse Jamieson, one of the nurses who had been part of the first response team. As they were waiting for the elevator to arrive, a different nurse hurried over to tell Nurse Jamieson that the police needed a statement from her and that she would take over for her. The doors opened and, seeing the waiting emergency, the only man on it got out hurriedly, moving aside to let them through. Without a glance at the patient on the gurney, the man strode steadily down the hall, whistling happily, glad that his sister was going to be fine and her partner had finally seen sense and left her. The lift doors closed and it began to move upwards, taking the three of them up to the surgical floor. Nurse Winters, having finished going through the chart at the end of the gurney took her first look at her new patient's face and gasped.  
  
"What is it? What's the matter?"  
  
"I know him."  
  
"What do you mean you know him? I thought he was a John Doe - what's his name then?"  
  
"I don't KNOW him, I met him earlier. He'd been crying and he'd hurt his hand."  
  
"Did you get his name? We need to alert the next of kin."  
  
"No, he wouldn't answer me. All he said was that he needed Scully."  
  
"Scully? Who or what's a Scully."  
  
"It's a person, he said he needed 'her' but I don't know who, he didn't say."  
  
"Do you think its a girlfriend, wife?"  
  
"No wedding ring - it's not his wife. He got angry when I tried to ask him about her, and then he just left."  
  
"This is our floor... See if you can track down this 'Scully'."  
  
"Where do I start?"  
  
"Well what do we know? He was coming from 'somewhere' when you met him and he was upset."  
  
"Of course. She's probably a patient here - that's where he was coming from earlier, from visiting her. Even if it's not his 'Scully', there must be someone in the hospital who knows his name, otherwise why would he be here."  
  
"He could have been a patient himself - just been discharged."  
  
"I suppose, but he was walking out, patients should be in a wheelchair. No, I think she must be here somewhere. I'll do my best to track her down. ...What should I tell her if I find her? Is he going to make it?"  
  
"I don't know really. I'll know more when I do the laparotomy and see how bad the bleed is - the head injury could be the worst problem though. It's not looking too good at the moment."  
  
The trauma surgeon passed the gurney to the awaiting OR nurses and went into the scrub room to get ready to perform the surgery. Mulder was taken into the OR and Nurse Winters watched as they began to prep his abdomen for the imminent laparotomy. Shaking her head despondently, she watched for a while and then turned away, ready to start looking to ID him. 


	4. Chapter4

After waiting in traffic for almost half-an hour, Assistant Director Walter Skinner pulled out of the queue and parked his car, too impatient to wait any longer. Walking the last two blocks to the hospital to visit his agents, he came across police barriers and diversion signs. Looking at the portion of road that was cordoned off, he saw a car turned sidelong on the road and he could see tire marks burnt into the tarmac. He now understood the reason for the hold-up of traffic and he felt slightly guilty for being so annoyed at the delay when someone had obviously been hurt. He walked through the automatic doors and made his way to the elevators, pressing the button for the seventh floor. Two nurses got on after him, both heading up to the ICU wing on the 4th floor. They began talking about their patients and, although he tried not to listen, his attention was caught when they mentioned the accident that he'd seen the aftermath of outside.  
  
"Any word on how the MVA victim's doing, Kelly? The one who was run over right outside?"  
  
"He's just out of surgery but it's still touch and go. He's not come round yet, still comatose."  
  
"My goodness. I treated the driver and he said he just walked straight off the kerb into his path, wasn't even looking where he was going. Of course the driver was driving faster than he should have been, unfortunately. Do we know who he is yet?"  
  
"No. He had no wallet or ID of any kind - we presume they must be with his jacket somewhere since he wasn't wearing one at the time of the accident. He wasn't wearing one when I saw him before he was hurt either."  
  
"Have you had any luck tracking down the woman he mentioned when you saw him?"  
  
"No. The hospital computer network is down so I've been phoning different departments for the last hour and a half, trying to find out if she's a patient in their unit. It's taking far longer than it should because there are so many patients down in the ER and not enough nurses on duty. I've had no luck so far - but then there are still plenty more departments to go through."  
  
"I just hope it's not too late for him before we find her. It would help if you knew more about her. Like the rest of her name, if she's even a patient here, or anything more than what we do know."  
  
"I realise that Siobhan, but all he said was that he needed her, he needed Scully."  
  
The two women had gotten off the elevator and so Skinner didn't hear the last few words as the doors closed between him and them. As the lift moved upwards once again he leant against the side, thinking about the poor man who had been run over and couldn't be identified. When the lift stopped at his floor he got out and made his way quickly down the corridor to Scully's room, anxious to hear what her test results were. He was also hoping to find Mulder with her as he had questions about the events of the hearing that he wanted answered as well as having news of Cancerman's death. Reaching the door, he lifted his hand to open it but his arm froze mid-air when he heard the raised voices of Scully and her mom coming form inside the room. Deciding to wait for a more appropriate moment to go in, he sat down on the chairs outside the room, mildly surprised to find Mulder's jacket on the seat next to him. Thinking that Mulder had either popped to the loo or was inside the room with Scully and her mother, he left it sitting beside him and rested his head against the wall. For the second time in the last ten minutes he tried very hard not to listen in to what was quite probably a private and personal argument between mother and daughter.  
  
"Why didn't you wake me up? I can't believe you let me sleep. You said you would wake me up and you didn't!"  
  
"Dana calm down."  
  
"Mom, I told you to wake me in half an hour and that was nearly two hours ago. I need to sspeak to him, find out why he left."  
  
"I know Dana and I'm sorry but I fell asleep. I didn't think I would, I'm sorry honey."  
  
"No mom... I'm sorry. It's not your fault, I shouldn't have shouted at you. I know you're just as tired as me. It's good that you got some rest... Can you pass me the phone?"  
  
"Sure Dana. Here you go."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
Scully dialled the familiar number of Mulder's apartment and drummed her fingers impatiently on the bed rail as she waited for him to pick up. After six rings the answering machine picked up and, after leaving a short message for him to call her, she slammed the phone back on its hook, frustrated. She hurriedly dialled his cell-phone number and sighed exasperatedly when it went straight to his answering machine, signalling that the phone was not turned on.  
  
"Mom his phone still isn't on. Mulder never leaves his phone off for this long. Why isn't he answering?"  
  
"I don't know sweetie. Maybe he's already on his way back in to see you and he turned it off again."  
  
"Maybe."  
  
Having realised earlier in the argument that Mulder was obviously not in the room, or indeed the hospital, Skinner knocked quietly on the door. When they called for him to come in he did so, Mulder's jacket in his hand. He saw both faces drop when they saw whom it was, although he realised that it was only because they were hoping that he was Mulder. Or at least he hoped that was all it was - he was still unsure of Scully's trust in him even though he had not been the man they had been looking for in the FBI.  
  
"A.D. Skinner. Hi."  
  
"Agent Scully, Mrs Scully. I hope I'm not interrupting?"  
  
"Of course not sir, come in."  
  
"I just came by to see how you were doing."  
  
"Well sir. My test results came back and it's nothing but good news. My cancer's gone into remission."  
  
"That's unbelievable news Scully."  
  
"Yes it is. I'll be back at work before you know it."  
  
"Dana, you need plenty of rest before you're ready to go back. That's what the doctor told you, remember?"  
  
"I know mom. I was just kidding. Speaking of work though sir, you haven't seen Mulder around, have you? He didn't get called back in to work did he?"  
  
"No Scully, I haven't seen him since he left the hearing earlier. He said that he was coming straight here - I thought he would still be here with you."  
  
"He did come but then he left. I can't get a hold of him and I don't know where he went."  
  
"Well, I found his jacket lying on the chairs in the hall. His badge, wallet and cell-phone are still in its pockets."  
  
"What...but...why would he...that doesn't make any sense...Oh my God, Bill! ..."  
  
Realisation dawned as Scully thought about what Bill had told them Mulder had said. She knew that Mulder would never have left without at least saying goodbye and he definitely would not have left his jacket. A look of almost murderous rage passed over her face as she thought about what her brother might have said to Mulder to make him leave. She had been aware of words having been exchanged between the two of them earlier but Mulder had not wanted to talk about it and Bill had just brushed it off as nothing when she had asked. Both her mother and Skinner were looking at her strangely and she realised that she had trailed off mid-sentence and had not said anything for quite some time.  
  
"What is it, honey? What does Bill have to do with Fox not being here?"  
  
"Bill must have said something to Mulder earlier to make him leave. Don't you see mom? ...Mulder wouldn't have left his jacket if he had just decided to go home."  
  
"That's true. Not with his phone and badge in the pocket for sure. I'm surprised though Agent Scully, surprised he didn't come in to see you, especially once he heard the good news - no matter what your brother said."  
  
"We need to find him. It would help if we knew what Bill had said though, it might give us a clue where to start - but he's hardly going to tell us what he said to him. How are we going to...I mean...we need to find him."  
  
"Get some more rest Dana. I'll go see if any of the nurses outside heard the conversation, okay?"  
  
"Sure mom. Would you hurry?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
"Agent Scully, I'm going to have to head back to work but I'll swing by Mulder's apartment on my way and make sure he's not there."  
  
"Thank you sir."  
  
"Get some rest. I'll phone as soon as I get there."  
  
"Bye."  
  
Skinner followed Maggie out of the door, both beginning their individual searches for Mulder. Scully lay back in her bed and closed her eyes, too worried to sleep but too exhausted to keep them open.  
  
Elsewhere in the hospital an EKG machine beeped out the steady rhythm of Mulder's heart, a ventilator kept him breathing and an ICP device monitored the pressure in his brain. Nurses and doctors bustled in and out of the room, periodically checking his vitals and recording the outputs of the monitors. Mulder was oblivious to the shaking of doctor's heads and their doubtful attitudes as his eyes remained closed, his body motionless in his peaceful coma. 


	5. Chapter5

Maggie Scully left her daughter's hospital room and made her way quickly down the corridor to the Nurses' station there. One of Scully's nurses was sitting behind the desk and, recognising him, she approached the desk hurriedly.  
  
"Hi Ken."  
  
"Mrs Scully. What can I do for you? Does Dana need something?"  
  
"No, Dana's fine - she's getting some rest just now. I came out here to ask you something. It may sound a bit strange and you may think it's not your place to tell me but..."  
  
"What is it Mrs Scully?"  
  
"I... Dana and I were wondering if anyone saw Bill talking to Fox in the hall about two hours ago."  
  
"Bill's your son right?"  
  
"That's right."  
  
"And Fox?"  
  
"He's Dana's partner at work - and a good friend. You must have seen him about, he's been here almost everyday."  
  
"Oh, you mean Mulder?"  
  
"Yes. I mean Mulder. His first name is Fox."  
  
"Now I see why he didn't want any of us calling him that. Well, I didn't see them talking but Susie might have. She's on her break at the moment - she's up in the cafeteria at the moment."  
  
"It's quite important - is there anyway you could contact her and ask her to come down. Or I could go find her I suppose. Do you know where she will be sitting?"  
  
"It's okay Mrs Scully. I'll page her and she'll phone from the cafeteria. Her break's nearly over anyway."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
Maggie patiently waited while Ken paged Susie and, a moment later, the phone rang. Ken picked it up and gave Maggie a thumbs-up when he realised it was Susie. Neither of them noticed another nurse walking down the corridor, and coming to a halt right beside Maggie.  
  
"Susie can you come back up here slightly early? ... No, there's no emergency ...Mrs Scully wants to talk to you if that's okay... Alright, see you in a minute, bye."  
  
"Is she coming?"  
  
"Yes. She was just on the 6th floor talking with the nurses there on her way back from the cafeteria. She should be back in a couple of minutes."  
  
"That's great. Thanks again."  
  
"No problem."  
  
The nurse who had joined them was Kelly from the ER who was still searching for a clue to the identity of her John Doe. Hearing Ken say Mrs Scully's name on the phone, her heart leapt as she realised that she might have just found the elusive 'Scully' that her patient had been talking about. Not wanting to interrupt but desperately wanting to find out if this woman was indeed the one she was looking for, she waited until the two had stopped speaking and then gently tapped Mrs Scully on the shoulder.  
  
"Excuse me ...is your name Scully?"  
  
"Yes it is. Who are you?"  
  
"My name's Kelly Winters. I'm a nurse down in the ER. One of my patients..."  
  
"Mrs Scully?"  
  
"Susie! Would you excuse me for a moment Kelly? I really need to talk to Susie."  
  
"Of course."  
  
Mrs Scully rushed down the corridor while Susie was still hurriedly coming towards her from the elevator. When they met they were still in earshot of both Kelly and Ken so they both could hear the conversation between the two women.  
  
"Mrs Scully. I was so sorry to hear about Dana."  
  
"What are you talking about Susie? Dana's doing great."  
  
"What, but I thought...never mind. What was it you wanted to talk to me about?"  
  
"I was wondering if you had seen Bill and Fox - Mulder - talking earlier in this corridor? If so, did you happen to hear any of what was said?"  
  
"I did actually. I was taking Ms Gibson for a walk when I saw the two of them. I heard most, if not all, of their conversation because she's such a slow walker."  
  
"What did they say? ... Susie? ... Please, it's important."  
  
"Um... well Bill told Mulder your daughter's prognosis. He was really angry with him because Mulder had thought she was going to be okay. Of course Mulder looked devastated - as if he couldn't believe what Bill was saying. He looked lost, really lost."  
  
"Susie, what are you talking about? Why would Fox be upset that Dana was in remission? Why would Bill be angry because Fox was right when he thought she would be okay?"  
  
"Dana's in remission? That's wonderful news...but Bill didn't say that. He told Fox that she wasn't getting any better. He said that she was probably going to spend the rest of her days in the hospital. I thought he was right, that's why Ken did her night check instead of me. I just couldn't face her so soon after finding out."  
  
"No, Dana's going to be fine - the doctor told her. Bill was there when we got the good news, why would he tell Fox that she wasn't getting better?"  
  
"I don't know Mrs Scully."  
  
"What happened after that? Did Bill say anything else?"  
  
"He told Fox that Dana didn't want to see him - that she hated him for building up her hopes."  
  
"He said what?! Bill Scully when I get my hands on you... Sorry Susie. What did Fox do then?"  
  
"He was totally crushed to hear that she hated him - but he just walked away. He turned away from Bill and walked down the corridor to the elevator. I don't know where he went after that."  
  
"I do."  
  
Maggie and Susie turned round in surprise to find Kelly standing right behind them with a solemn look on her face. They looked at her with expectant faces, waiting for her to continue but, overcome with emotion for her patient, she found herself unable to make a sound. Swallowing hard to get rid of the lump that had formed in her throat as she was listening to the story behind Mulder's grief, she tried again and this time she was able to speak.  
  
"I think I know where he went - if we're talking about the same person. I saw him get off the elevator on the ground floor. He'd been crying and he'd hurt his hand somehow but when I tried to take a look at it he snatched it away and told me to leave him alone. The only other thing he said was that he needed her - he needed Scully. I'm guessing that's your daughter, Mrs Scully."  
  
"Yes, that would be Dana. Oh Fox. ...Where did he go after you spoke to him? Do you know where he is now?"  
  
"Yes...yes I do. He left the building through the main entrance and I thought I'd seen the last of him."  
  
"But...?"  
  
"There was a car accident outside the hospital."  
  
"I know. Mr Skinner - that's Dana and Fox's boss - he got held up in the traffic jam caused by it. What does that have to do with...oh no...you can't mean...?"  
  
"I'm afraid so Mrs Scully. He was knocked down by a speeding car and had to be brought straight back into the ER."  
  
"Where is he now? Is he still in the ER?"  
  
"No. His injuries were pretty bad and he had to be taken up almost immediately for emergency surgery."  
  
"Is he okay?"  
  
"He's stable but he's in the ICU. He's in a coma."  
  
"Oh my gosh. Where's ICU? Can I go see him?"  
  
"I'll take you up just now. I've been looking for you ever since he went into surgery."  
  
"Thank you. you tell...?"  
  
"I'll tell Dana, Mrs Scully. Don't worry about that. I'll let her know where you are and, if she's feeling up to it, I'll bring her up to see him later."  
  
"She'll be up to it. Wild horses couldn't keep her away."  
  
Susie watched Kelly take the older woman by the arm and guide her towards the elevator. She saw the look of shock and disbelief on Maggie's face and realised that telling Dana the news was not going to be easy. Taking a deep breath, she made her way to Scully's room and knocked lightly on the door before pushing it open. Scully was fast asleep so she was just about to leave again when something caught her attention. Lying on the pillow next to her was a jacket and, when she looked closer she saw that it still had the ID badge of her partner clipped to its lapel. Thinking that it would hurt Scully if she rolled over onto it, Susie tried to gently ease the jacket out from under her, meaning to put it on the seat. Scully moaned in her sleep and hugged the jacket closer to her so Susie gave up and, smiling, walked out of the room. Scully quietened and burrowed her face into the jacket, inhaling the scent of Mulder as she did so. 


	6. Chapter6

Scully woke up without opening her eyes and, as she breathed deeply, she found that the smell of Mulder saturated her pillow. Smiling, she turned over in bed, thinking she would find him lying next to her but instead found only his jacket. Puzzled, she picked the jacket up off her pillow and pressed the button on her bed to raise the head up so that she was in a half-sitting position. Still sleepy it took her a few minutes to remember the events of the night before and she looked round the room, hoping to find her mother to ask her if she had found Mulder. Realising that her room was empty, she pushed the nurse-call button, hoping that her nurse would know where her mother had gone. Moments later the door opened and Susie came through the door with her breakfast tray.  
  
"Morning Dana. I'm slightly early with this but I thought you would want to get going as quick as you could so I brought it in just now."  
  
"What do you mean? Get going where?"  
  
"Did your mom not tell you? I thought she came in to tell you."  
  
"No. I haven't seen my mom since I went to sleep last night. She was going to find Mulder for me. Do you know if she did?"  
  
"Oh Dana. I'm sorry. I didn't realise you still didn't know or else I would have woken you sooner."  
  
"Know what, Susie?"  
  
"Um...you see...it's Mulder."  
  
"What's Mulder? What's happened? ...Susie please, you're scaring me here."  
  
"There was an accident yesterday Dana. Mulder was involved."  
  
"Is he okay? What kind of accident?"  
  
"It was a car accident. Mulder wasn't looking where he was going as he crossed the street and a car came round the corner too fast - there was no way the driver could have stopped in time although he did try."  
  
"What about Mulder...he's not...he didn't ...die?"  
  
"No. He was brought straight into the ER and went to surgery. Right now he's in ICU with your mom."  
  
"Tell me what his injuries are. I want to know exactly what happened to him."  
  
"I thought you might so I checked up on everything so I would know what to tell you. It's not very good news I'm afraid...are you sure you want to know Dana?"  
  
"Yes. Please Susie...I need to know."  
  
"Okay. They lost his pulse while he was lying in the road but the driver started CPR almost immediately and then the doctors that went out shocked him to bring him back."  
  
"How many times and at what charge?"  
  
"Dana..."  
  
"I need to know about possible permanent damage Susie."  
  
"All right. They had to shock him three times before they got a pulse - the last one was at 350. When they brought him in they found that he had a right pneumothorax so they had to put in a chest-tube. They then did a peritoneal lavage, which was positive for blood so he was taken straight up to the OR for a laparotomy. The surgeon had to remove his spleen and repair multiple lacerations to his liver. They nearly lost him again in the OR from hypovalemic shock but they upped his fluids and he pulled through."  
  
"What about spinal injuries and head trauma."  
  
"His X-rays showed no spinal injuries although he did break his right femur, dislocate his left shoulder and fracture quite a few of his ribs."  
  
"God. ...You never mentioned head trauma ... what aren't you telling me?"  
  
"He hasn't woken up since it happened. At the moment he's in a coma and the doctors aren't sure when, or if, he'll come out of it."  
  
"Oh my God...I need to go to him Susie, take me down there."  
  
"You need to eat your breakfast Dana to keep your strength up. You know you're still weak and I'm sure you want to see Mulder before you're ready to sleep again. So eat up and then I'll take you down to see him, okay?"  
  
"But... okay."  
  
Realising that she would not win the fight, Scully meekly agreed to eat her breakfast knowing that the faster she ate, the sooner she would be able to go see Mulder. Now that she had finished being Mulder's 'doctor' she had time to think about how serious his injuries were. Unable to trust her voice not to break when she spoke, Scully looked down at her plate and just concentrated on shovelling down her cereal and toast. Half way through her meal Susie left the room leaving Scully to finish it on her own. She was just wondering where Susie had got to when she returned with a wheelchair for Scully to sit in when she took her to ICU. She shook her head when she saw it and opened her mouth to protest but she recognised the stubborn glint in the nurse's eyes and once again backed down. Settling into the wheelchair, Scully realised that it was pretty cold compared to her bed and was glad when Susie brought a blanket out of her cupboard and tucked it around her bare legs.  
  
Susie pushed her patient as fast as she dared down the corridor and into the elevator pushing the button for the fourth floor. Glad that there was no one in her way when they came to their floor, she pushed the wheelchair off the elevator and continued going quickly as they neared the Intensive Care Unit. She left Scully at the nurses' station as she went to find out what room Mulder was in. When she got back, she was surprised to find the chair empty but, looking in the room that she had just been told to go to, she was not surprised to find Scully already in there. Maggie was sitting in the chair by his bed with her eyes closed but she jolted awake when Scully touched her gently on her shoulder.  
  
"Hi mom."  
  
"Good morning honey. I must have dozed off for a minute there."  
  
"Not a problem mom. You must be exhausted - Susie said you've been here all night."  
  
"Yes, I have. I came down to tell you about Fox earlier but you were still sleeping. I thought it would be better if you got some more rest. I'm sorry...I didn't want to leave him for too long either so I came straight back up without telling the nurses to make sure you knew...I'm really sorry."  
  
"It's okay mom, I understand. How is he?"  
  
"He seems so peaceful Dana. He just looks like he's asleep except for all these wires."  
  
"I know... Have the doctors told you anything?"  
  
"They say the longer he remains in the coma the less likely he is to wake up but other than that, they just don't know."  
  
"Oh..."  
  
"They had thought he would have shown signs of improvement by now...Dana... they think he's given up. They think he's not fighting.  
  
"What...no. Mulder wouldn't...mom?"  
  
"I'm sure he's trying Dana. He wouldn't give up... Do you want to sit down? You look pale...Are you still tired?"  
  
"I am a bit but I'll be alright. You should go home and get some rest - I'll stay with Mulder now."  
  
"Dana..."  
  
"Please mom. I need to be with him."  
  
"I know honey. Just make sure you sleep when you need to."  
  
"I will mom. See you later."  
  
"I'll be praying for him honey. He'll make it through this - you'll see."  
  
"I hope so mom. I hope so."  
  
Maggie took one last look at Mulder lying on the bed and, after brushing a soft motherly kiss on his brow, she walked out of the room. Scooting the chair closer to the bed, Scully sat down on it and reached out to hold Mulder's uninjured hand in hers. A stray tear escaped her eye and she brushed it quickly away as she watched the ventilator cause his chest to rise and fall. She talked to him for a while about trivial things, knowing the importance of talking to a comatose person from her own personal experience. As time wore on she grew weary and, just as she lay her head down on the bed next to his chest she whispered to him.  
  
"Please fight Mulder. Why aren't you fighting?"  
  
Closing her eyes to prevent further tears from spilling out, she took a deep breath and tightened her grip on his hand. Her eyes remained closed, the rhythmic noises of his monitors and ventilator soon lulling her to sleep and, as she slept, she dreamed. 


	7. Chapter7

A/N: This might be a bit confusing. The words in italics are Mulder's thoughts for the first half and Scully's for the second half. Hope you can read them and understand it okay.  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
  
Swimming through water, Mulder wished for land and he found it. It was right under his feet where it had not been a moment before. The water vanished and his clothes dried in a blink of an eye, leaving him standing in a large, empty field. He ran through the field, the long grass brushing his thighs as his long strides swept it to the side. Tiring, he lay down and thought of the ocean and suddenly he could hear the cry of a seagull and the lap of the waves softly hitting sand. He drew circles in the dry, golden sand beneath him and sat up to look down across the beach from his seat halfway up a sand dune. Hours passed as he watched the tide go out and the sun sink lower in the sky. Just as he was about to fall asleep, a sudden movement further down the beach caught his eye - it was Scully.  
  
Mulder watched as she made her way along the beach, the fiery red of her hair gleaming in the dying sunlight. He had figured out by now that he was in some sort of transitional world - waiting between life and death to choose which way to go or have his way chosen for him. When he saw Scully he assumed that, for her to have been able to appear here, she must already be dead from her cancer. He walked towards her and saw as she stopped near the waters edge, her toes dabbling in the cool water. Unable to resist touching her for any longer, he reached out with his hand and hoped fervently that she would not fade away. She turned towards him and he gazed into her clear blue eyes for just a moment before enveloping her in his arms. He felt her relax into his chest and then shudder as a cold breeze swept across the ocean to them. Bending down, he hooked one arm under her knees and swiftly lifted her up, carrying her across the beach. They reached the small hut quickly and he laid her gently down on the bed when they got inside before joining her there.  
  
He closed his eyes as he reclined on the bed and imagined a house with a balcony and a beautiful, green garden. When he reopened them he was not surprised to find that the room had changed into the one he had imagined. His arms felt empty without Scully in them so he got out of the bed and walked out to the balcony where she was standing. He wrapped his arms around her from behind and held her close, smiling contentedly when she leaned her head back into him. They watched the sunset in silence for a while although the sun never dropped any lower in the sky, keeping their world bathed in its orangey glow. Dipping his head down, he pressed a gentle kiss on her temple and she turned round in his arms so that she was leaning against the balcony railing, facing him. He felt a solitary tear leave his eye and roll down his cheek, saddened at the thought that her life had ended far too early. Reaching up to brush it away, he found that she had gotten there first and was caressing his cheek softly with her hand.  
  
"I'm sorry it has to be like this Scully."  
  
_I'm sorry that you had to die before we could be together - you didn't deserve to die._  
  
"What do you mean, Mulder? It doesn't have to be like this."  
  
"Yes it does Scully. It's okay -this is how I want it."  
  
_I would give anything to be with you - and my life isn't worth living without you in it so it wasn't a hard decision._  
  
"What?"  
  
"If there's no other way then I'm glad it could be this way."  
  
_When you were sick, I wished that we could remain together always - that you wouldn't die but I suppose this is good enough._  
  
"Mulder, I don't understand."  
  
"It's beautiful here. It's much nicer than the world we live in with all its pollution and noise. It's so peaceful here - I'm glad I'm going to stay."  
  
_I'm going to stay here with you - my Scully - forever._  
  
"Mulder, no! You have to get better. You can't stay here - fight it."  
  
"I don't want to fight Scully...not anymore."  
  
_Not now I know that you're not there - that you're gone. There's nothing left to fight for.  
_  
"Mulder..."  
  
Her voice faded away as she vanished before his eyes, leaving his arms empty and his heart aching for her to return. The sun finally dipped below the horizon, leaving his world shrouded in darkness. He closed his eyes and remembered her face, more certain than ever that he was going to continue on his journey to be with her instead of returning to a world without her.  
  
XXXXXXXXXXX

As she slept, SHE dreamed:  
  
The deep red sun glowed in the darkening sky, its last rays of the day reflecting of the calm rippling of the ocean. The sand felt cool beneath her feet as she walked along the beach, heading towards the shoreline. She had just reached the cold water when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Turning, she found herself face to face with Mulder who was smiling sadly and pulling her nearer to him. Willingly she took the small step towards him to close the gap between them and sighed happily as his arms went around her, holding her tightly. She savoured his warmth for a moment but soon became aware of the crash of waves further along the beach and the cool wind that had come from nowhere. Feeling her shiver in his arms, Mulder bent down and scooped her up into his arms. He began to walk back up the beach and came to a halt in front of a small hut that Scully would have sworn was not there just moments before.  
  
Carrying her inside, Mulder then lay her down on the soft white sheets on the bed after turning down the duvet. He slipped in beside her, pulling the covers up over them both and snuggling closer to her as she let her eyes close. Placing a gentle kiss on her forehead and stroking her cheek lightly, he lay back on his pillow and closed his eyes as well. When she opened her eyes, Scully looked around the room and found to her surprise that they were in a large room of a proper house. Although the sun was still setting when she looked out of the window, she could no longer hear the sounds of the beach. Confused, she eased carefully out of Mulder's grasp and got out of the bed, walking over to the window. She gasped in amazement as she saw a wonderful garden and she opened the French windows, stepping out onto the balcony.  
  
She heard him come through the doors onto the balcony and sighed happily as he slipped his arms around her waist, holding her tight. When she felt the gentle warmth of his lips press against her skin she felt a change in his mood so she turned in his arms. Watching a lone tear fall from his eye, she immediately reached up to wipe it away. She left her hand on his cheek and stroked her thumb gently across his stubbly chin.  
  
"I'm sorry it has to be like this Scully."  
  
"What do you mean, Mulder? It doesn't have to be like this."  
  
_You could get better - you WILL get better.  
_  
"Yes it does Scully. It's okay -this is how I want it."  
  
"What?"  
  
_How can you want this? How can you want to die?_  
  
"If there's no other way then I'm glad it could be this way."  
  
"Mulder, I don't understand."  
  
_No other way for what? Why would you be glad that you're dying? - Not dying, he's NOT going to die!  
_  
"It's beautiful here. It's much nicer than the world we live in with all its pollution and noise. It's so peaceful here - I'm glad I'm going to stay."  
  
"Mulder, no! You have to get better. You can't stay here - fight it."  
  
_You have to fight. I need you with me - I don't know if I'll make it without you._  
  
"I don't want to fight Scully...not anymore."  
  
"Mulder..."  
  
"Dana ... Dana... wake up. You're dreaming."  
  
Scully woke up to find her mother standing over her, shaking her shoulders slightly in order to wake her. She raised her head off of the bed and, remembering where she was, she reached up to touch Mulder's face. Maggie watched in concern as her daughter's face crumbled and a few stray tears leaked out of the corners of her eyes. She gently rubbed her back as she had done to comfort her when she was young, trying to banish whatever dream she had just had. Scully stood up and leant over his bed to press a gentle kiss on Mulder's cheeks, some of her tears landing on his skin and rolling down his neck unchecked. Just as Maggie opened her mouth to speak, Scully turned to her with a face so full of despair it stopped her short and she instead embraced her daughter in silence. Scully clung to her as the tears continued to fall and, when she finally spoke, Maggie felt her heart break for her daughter.  
  
"He's given up mom. He doesn't want to fight. ... Why wouldn't he want to fight mom? ...Why doesn't he want to come back to me?"


	8. Chapter8

Bill Scully made his way up the hospital corridor, whistling happily, and came to a halt outside his sister's room. He knocked lightly on the door before pushing it open, expecting to find his mom and his sister inside. His mom hadn't come back to her house last night and he presumed that she had stayed at the hospital with Dana but one look in the room told him that they were not there. Coming back out of the room he went in search of a nurse to ask where they had gone. He walked to the nurse's station at the other end of the corridor and stood waiting at the desk for the nurse to finish on the phone. After a couple of minutes wait, Bill impatiently he interrupted her conversation to ask about Scully. Unfortunately for him, the nurse he was addressing was Susie who knew all about what he had said to Mulder and was not very impressed with his attitude so she ignored him.  
  
"Excuse me...I asked you a question. Excuse me!"  
  
"I'm sorry sir. You'll have to hold on a minute. I'm very busy at the moment."  
  
"What? ...I don't believe this..."  
  
"Sir, can I help you?"  
  
Bill turned away from Susie, frustrated by her unhelpful demeanour, to find Ken standing behind him. Ken's face was stony as he repeated his question, since he also knew the content of Bill's conversation with Mulder, but he concealed his annoyance in order to do his job. He caught sight of Susie's glare out of the corner of his eye and shook his head almost imperceptibly at her, telling her silently to calm down.  
  
"Sir?"  
  
"Yes you can help me...where the hell is my sister? She's not in her room like she's supposed to be."  
  
"And your sister is...?"  
  
"Dana...Dana Scully. Now tell me where she is!"  
  
"If you could calm down sir, please. There are patients trying to get some rest."  
  
"No, I will not calm down. I want to know where my sister is NOW so I suggest you start being a bit more helpful before I make an official complaint to your boss."  
  
"Sir, I can have security remove you if you don't lower your voice. This IS a hospital ward after all."  
  
"Fine!"  
  
"Now, your sister's on a different floor at the moment..."  
  
"Why...she's getting better. She doesn't need to be moved anywhere."  
  
"Oh, so you DO know her cancer's in remission."  
  
"Of course I do."  
  
"We weren't sure that you did - considering what you told her partner yesterday."  
  
"How did you? ...Never mind. I just said what needed to be said; otherwise he would never have left her alone so that she could recuperate in peace. How is it any of your business what I said to that bastard?"  
  
"It becomes our business when it means that he's a patient in our hospital and also when it causes one of our own patients to have more stress and worry than she should be having to deal with right now."  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
"That 'bastard' - as you so politely referred to him - is currently a patient in the Intensive Care Unit of this hospital."  
  
"What? ...No, he was fine yesterday."  
  
"Yes, he WAS fine yesterday, until he got ran over and sustained severe injuries causing him to now be in a coma."  
  
"Oh. ...So where's Dana?"  
  
"She's down in his room with him, as was your mother the last I heard."  
  
"They're in HIS room? - Dana should still be resting; the doctor said she shouldn't be out of her bed until tomorrow. Is that why my mother didn't come home last night?"  
  
"Yes, she sat with him all night until Dana was told about the accident this morning. Then Maggie came back down here with the intention of going home to get some rest but we told her she could stay in Dana's room. Since she didn't particularly want to leave for too long and she was far too tired to be driving anyway, she accepted our offer."  
  
"What room is he in?"  
  
"Mr Scully..."  
  
"What.Room.Is.He.In?!"  
  
"I'm afraid I don't know sir."  
  
"I need to go and get my sister out of there, so I suggest you tell me which room he's in so that I can do that."  
  
"Why would you need to take your sister out? She's resting fine down there, it's not as if she's running about anywhere. Anyway, she won't leave."  
  
"Yes she will. She needs to come back to her room to rest - she doesn't need to be sitting around waiting for him to stop sleeping."  
  
"Mr Scully...Mr Mulder is not just sleeping. He's in a coma."  
  
"I know, you told me already but that's still no reason for Dana to have to stay there. Now...where's ICU?"  
  
"It's on the fourth floor. You'll need to ask at the admittance desk for his room number."  
  
"..."  
  
"Your welcome!"  
  
Bill stalked away from the two nurses without a word and Ken called after him, causing him to turn back round and sneer at them. They shook their heads as they watched him get onto the elevator, his face set in a determined grimace, both glad that they were not going to be on the receiving end of his rage any longer. Susie hung up the phone that she had been talking into although the person on the other end had hung up soon after Bill had begun to speak. Ken smiled knowingly and then handed over the chart of one of their other patients, getting back to work after the brief interlude.  
  
Bill meanwhile was on the elevator headed to the fourth floor, his anger still bubbling only just under the surface. He barrelled into an orderly as he left the elevator but did not take the time to apologise, instead glaring back at him for a second and then continuing on his way. Reaching the admitting desk, he immediately started questioning every nurse for information on Mulder and his room number. He was told the room but they mentioned that he may not be allowed in considering he was not family and there was already a visitor in with Mulder. He nodded n agreement and went to stand outside Mulder's room, waiting until there were no nurses around before entering. He saw Scully sitting by Mulder's bedside with her head resting on the edge of the bed and her eyes closed.  
  
"Dana? ...Dana?"  
  
"Mulder?"  
  
"No, Dana. It's Bill."  
  
"Has he? ...he's still in the coma."  
  
"Yes he is. Come on Dana, let's get you out of here."  
  
"What? I'm not going anywhere Bill."  
  
"Dana, you need to get back to your room so you can rest."  
  
"I'm fine Bill."  
  
Bill had put his arm around his sister's shoulders to try and coax her out of the chair but, hearing what he was saying, Scully shrugged her way out of his grasp. She moved her chair nearer to the head of the bed and further away from Bill, taking Mulder's uninjured hand in hers again. She gently stroked the back of his hand with her thumb as she reached up with her other hand to touch his face. A tear slipped from her eye as she realised that there had been no change in his condition since her mother had woken her earlier. Forgetting that her brother was standing next to her, she half stood and leant over his still form, careful not to bump any of the numerous wires and tubes connected to him, and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. She lingered there for a long moment, a few more tears running from her eyes to land on him, wetting his cheek beneath her lips. Her shoulders began to shake as once again grief and fear for his life overcame her. Bill pulled her away from Mulder and again tried to pressurize her into leaving but she resisted and swiftly pulled away from his hold.  
  
"Bill, stop trying to make me leave - I'm not going to go."  
  
"You need to rest otherwise you'll make yourself ill."  
  
"I need to stay with him Bill. I can't leave him here - I won't. He wouldn't leave me and I'm not going to desert him."  
  
"He left you earlier didn't he?"  
  
"Yes but..."  
  
"But what, Dana? He left you just when you were getting better - how is that supportive? Anyway, you can't do anything for him Dana."  
  
"You don't know that. You're not a doctor. Maybe he can hear me and if I keep talking to him I can get him to fight."  
  
"Why would you want to do that?"  
  
"Excuse me?!"  
  
"Come on Dana. You know that he's only going to cause you and our family more pain than he already has."  
  
"What?!!"  
  
"Dana, that man has caused so much hurt I'm surprised you've stayed with him this long. Now's your chance to get out - to be rid of him for good, so take it. You don't owe him anything, just get up and leave and you'll never have to see him again."  
  
"I don't believe you just said that. Why the hell would you say that? ...if I weren't concentrating so hard to try to get Mulder to fight I'd kick your ass from here to next Sunday."  
  
"Dana. You'd be better off - we all would - if he didn't try and fight."  
  
"William James Scully!! Get out here this instant!" 


	9. Chapter9

"William James Scully!! Get out here this instant!"  
  
"Mom..."  
  
"NOW!"  
  
Maggie had only heard the tail end of her children's conversation but she had heard enough to know the gist of it. She stood just inside the door of Mulder's room, holding the door wide open purposefully, gesturing to Bill to leave his sister alone and join her in the corridor. Bill looked for a moment like he was going to refuse his mother's 'request' but after another look at the stern expression on her face; he relented and left his place at the side of the bed. He approached Maggie, expecting her to just talk to him there in the doorway but she bustled him angrily out into the corridor and closed the door to Mulder's room, leaving Scully in peace. Bill looked frustrated that his mother had interrupted his cajoling of his sister to leave the man who he considered a pathetic waste of space. Maggie was not deterred from her mission by the look of irritation on her eldest child's face however and, after checking that they were at a safe distance from any patient's rooms, she began.  
  
"What the hell do you think you're playing at Bill?"  
  
"What are you talking about mom?"  
  
"Oh don't play dumb with me, Bill. Remember I am your mother and I know fine well when you're lying. I'm talking about all that nonsense you were spouting out in Fox's room to Dana. You know, the stuff about us all being better off if Fox weren't here."  
  
"Mom I was just saying it like it is. We all know the truth; it's just that Dana pretends she doesn't because she thinks she owes him or something."  
  
"Is that why you think she's in there just now - because she thinks she owes it to him to be there?"  
  
"Why else would she be sitting there?"  
  
"Because, Bill, he's her friend - her best friend - and he is in pretty bad shape. He sat by her side while we thought she was going to die and now she's having to do the same. Not because she thinks she has to or should but because she wants to, she needs to."  
  
"Needs to, my ass..."  
  
"Bill!"  
  
"Sorry mom - I didn't mean to swear."  
  
"I was not objecting to your language Bill, but to what you meant by the comment. Yes, she needs to be there. He's dying for goodness sakes Bill. The most important person in your little sister's life is dying and all you can do is cause her more pain than you already have."  
  
"Already have? ...What pain have I caused Dana? Mulder's the one who's ruined her life, who put her in this hospital to begin with. He's the one who lost her when she was missing. He's the one who got Melissa shot and..."  
  
"Enough Bill. I will not listen to your incessant assumptions - which, by the way, are totally unfounded - any longer."  
  
"For God's sake mom. Now you're taking his side? This is just too much."  
  
"His side? His SIDE?!"  
  
Maggie's raised voice caused a number of nurses to turn towards the pair of them standing in the middle of the corridor. They looked disapproving until they saw how it was and, since gossip spread faster than the diseases they treated, they all understood what was going on. They all turned back to what they were doing before the disruption, all privately glad that it seemed like Bill was getting what was coming to him at last. Maggie blushed slightly at the realisation that she was causing a scene and so she went to a great effort to lower her voice before continuing.  
  
"Bill, if I may remind you, Mulder's the one lying in a hospital bed being kept alive by half a dozen machines. Exactly whose 'side' should I be on? ...Yours? I don't think so. You may be my son but you're the one who practically caused all of this, Bill - indirect though it might have been. Although I know Fox would never say that to anyone. He probably will blame himself more than anyone when, or if, he comes out of his coma."  
  
"I caused this? Mom, Mulder was run over. The only people to blame are the driver of the car and Mulder as you said yourself."  
  
"I did not say Mulder was to blame. I said he would probably blame himself like he always does. He doesn't need you or anyone else to blame him for everything that's gone wrong in Dana's life - he does it just fine on his own."  
  
"Good. I'm glad he has more sense than I thought. Now, let's get back to how this is supposedly MY fault."  
  
"This is partially your fault, Bill, because had you not lied to Fox about Dana's prognosis and then told him to go away, he would not have stepped foot outside this hospital. He would probably still be with her in her room and not lying in his own hospital bed in a coma which the doctors aren't sure he'll even wake up from."  
  
"I didn't lie to him."  
  
"Bill, please. One of the nurses overheard your conversation with Fox. I know every single damn thing you said to him and I'm not happy about any of them. Why on earth would you say any of that to him? It was totally wrong of you, not to mention it wasn't your place to say any of it - even if it had been true."  
  
"Well at least I got him to leave."  
  
"Bill you just don't get it, do you? Dana wanted him to be there yesterday when you so wrongly sent him away."  
  
"Why? He wasn't going to do her any good.  
  
"Bill. You had no right to stop him from seeing her or, now, her from seeing him. They are both adults and can make their own decisions. Dana does not need, and never really has needed, you to run her life for her. She can choose her own friends and boyfriends, just like you do."  
"Boyfriends...you don't mean she and Mulder are...?"  
  
"I don't know Bill, I don't think so but I'm pretty sure it can only be a matter of time - if they have any time."  
  
"Thank God for that. At least he's not going to be alive for her to make such a stupid mistake."  
  
"That is enough Bill! I will not listen to you anymore. I have been patient with you and your silly, uncalled for hatred of Fox and have mostly ignored your misplaced blame but I will NOT stand by quietly while you tell me that it's a good thing that he is going to die. Fox is a good man and he has helped your sister countless times, as she has done for him - more than that, he respects her and cares for her, both of which I am seriously doubting you do judging from your behaviour yesterday and today. I would never have believed any child of mine would say what you just did about anybody if I hadn't just heard it come out of your mouth. I thought I had raised you better than that - obviously not. If you can't support Dana in her choices that she has made then I forbid you to go back into that room. You are going nowhere except home Bill, and by home I mean your home back in San Diego."  
  
"Mom..."  
  
"I don't want to hear another word! You are going to go back to my house, pack up your stuff and then you are going to leave. I will not have you staying in my house for one more day."  
  
"What?"  
  
"You heard me Bill. Now go!"  
  
Maggie watched Bill walk away from her towards the elevators and she shook her head in disappointment at his attitude towards Mulder. She turned to walk back up the corridor to Mulder's room and knocked gently on the door so as not to disturb her daughter if she was sleeping. Receiving no answer she walked in and, after a moments hesitation, hurried over to Scully's side. 


	10. Chapter10

She reached Scully and placed her hand gently on her shuddering back, trying to ease her sobs of grief. Scully released her tight grip on Mulder's hand so that she could embrace her mother, clinging to the comfort of her hold. Maggie gently rocked her daughter back and forth, giving her time to collect herself before pulling away slightly and brushing the hair off her tear streaked face. Scully turned back round to face Mulder, leaning against her mother's side while she caressed his cheek with her hand.  
  
"Bill said we'd all be better off if he didn't fight to get better, mom. How could Bill say it would be better if he d...dies?"  
  
Scully's voice broke on the horrible word, not wanting to accept death as a possible outcome. Maggie shook her head in disbelief at hearing her son's words again and, with her arm still around Scully's shoulders, pulled her closer to her side in a futile attempt to comfort her distraught daughter. Scully allowed her head to drop onto her mother's shoulder in exhaustion, her eyes closing against the painful image of Mulder's seemingly lifeless form.  
  
"Honey, you're exhausted - you need some proper rest in a proper bed like the one in your room up the stairs...Dana, are you listening? ...Dana?"  
  
"Bill said I could just walk out of the door and never have to see him again, he said..."  
  
"Bill's gone Dana. I sent him home - just ignore what he said."  
  
"But it's true mom..."  
  
"What's true honey?"  
  
"If I leave him - if I go away, it might be...it might be the last time I ever see him alive. He could..."  
  
"Honey, you can't think like that. He'll pull through."  
  
"You don't know that mom. The doctors don't even know it so how could you?"  
  
"Dana..."  
  
"Mom, I'm sorry. It's just...I mean, sure, he left me in my room yesterday. He went away and I don't know why - but I can't do it, I can't just walk out of the room like nothing's happened. Even though he did it, and even though Bill thinks that that means I should do it as well, I...I just can't."  
  
Grief overcame her once more and she buried her head in her hands, trying to stop the tears from escaping. She was unsuccessful however and the tears spilled around her hands, soaking the blanket that Maggie had wrapped around her shoulders as they had talked. Maggie watched her daughter in despair, debating if she should tell her of her conversation with Bill or whether it would just upset her more. Recalling the pain that had crossed Scully's face when she had mentioned Mulder leaving her the day before, Maggie knew that she could not allow her to keep thinking that he had chosen to leave. She eased Scully's hands away from her face and wiped her eyes dry with one corner of the blanket, trying to calm her down before she told her what she now knew had to be said. Taking a deep breath, she readied herself to speak and her heart ached knowing that it was her son who had caused part of her daughter's grief.  
  
"Dana, Fox didn't just go. He..."  
  
"What is it mom? Did you find out why he left?"  
  
"I wasn't going to tell you yet - you need to concentrate on Fox's, and your, health. However, if you're thinking it was your fault he left - if you think he didn't want to stay with you - you need to know that he did want to stay Dana; it wasn't your fault. Don't think he went out of choice, he would never leave you out of choice - you have to realise that. He..."  
  
"Mom what is it?"  
  
"...It's your brother."  
  
"Bill? He made him leave? I knew it...I knew he must have said something to him. What did he say?"  
  
"The details don't matter Dana. I'll tell you later if you still want to know but right now - all you need to know is that Fox didn't want to leave, he thought that it was what you wanted so he respected 'your' wishes and left."  
  
"What?!! I am going to kill Bill - he's such a bastard!"  
  
"Dana, calm down. Getting angry is not going to help Fox get better."  
  
"I'm sorry mom. It's just that...he might not pull through and now you're telling me he thought I didn't want him around. What if that's the last thing he remembers about me, what if he dies thinking I didn't want him there when I did. I wanted him to stay so much, to be there when Dr Zuckerman told us the good news but I wasn't strong enough to stand up to Bill. I thought he'd be back in within minutes - and I thought that it would be okay, that he'd understand. How did I expect him to understand though when I didn't? I don't know how I could have been so weak and let Bill send him out - why didn't I stop him then mom? If I had then he'd be okay, we both would."  
  
"Honey...thinking about 'what, ifs' isn't going to help him get better. You can't blame yourself for this - it was just an accident, nobody's really to blame. Not completely. You need to save your strength for helping him to fight and for recovering yourself - don't think I've forgotten that your doctor said you needed plenty of rest since you're still weak from the treatments."  
  
"I can't leave him, not when there's a chance that I...that he...Please, don't make me leave him mom. I can't do it...I won't."  
  
"Okay honey. I understand - but I want you to try to get some rest. You'll make yourself ill if you keep this up. Why don't I see if the nurses can bring in a reclining chair or something?"  
  
"Sure mom. Thanks."  
  
Maggie left the room to go and talk to the nurses at the desk while Scully once again took hold of Mulder's hand and began gently stroking his hair. A solitary tear ran down her cheek but she quickly caught it before it fell as she heard voices approaching the room. There was a knock at the door and, once she had called for them to come in, two orderlies entered rolling an extra cot between them. Maggie followed them in and, once it was set up at the other side of the room, she eased Scully gently away from Mulder's side and coaxed her across the room and into the bed. As Scully's head hit the pillow, Maggie tenderly brushed a stray lock of hair from across her face and watched as her eyes drooped closed. When Scully's breathing had evened out, she left her side and took a seat in the chair between the two beds, watching over both of them as they slept.  
  
Scully slept restlessly, waking every now and then in a panic, sitting bolt upright on the bed and immediately looking over to Mulder. She got out of her bed and walked the few feet over to his side, clasping his hand in both of hers and bending over him so that she could hear his heart beat in his chest and not just the mechanical beep of the monitor. After assuring herself that his heart was indeed still beating, she lifted her head up from where it lay on his chest so that she could look at his face. She stroked his forehead gently and bent down once more to press a kiss to his cheek, urging him to fight with a whisper in his ear.  
  
On the fifth repetition of this reassuring ritual, she stopped dead when she reached up to stroke his forehead. She laid the back of her hand along his brow and, after double-  
checking her suspicion; she instantly reached for the nurse-  
call button. Maggie watched all of this silently as she always did but when she saw her daughter press the button, she knew that something was wrong - very wrong. Her fears were confirmed when Scully clasped his hand tighter and, again bending over him, she kissed him on his mouth while tears fell from her eyes. Maggie got out of her chair and within seconds was at Scully side, supporting her as her knees gave way beneath her and her sobs increased in both volume and intensity.  
  
The nurse came into the room hurriedly, worried about the urgent call she had just received. Turning on the overhead light as she entered, she immediately recognised the problem as she approached the bed. Laying her hand where Scully's had just been, she quickly turned down the blankets and then took a note of the readings on the monitors. She looked up at the two worried women and, as she was about to explain what was wrong, she realised by the look on the younger one's face that she already knew. Turning swiftly back round, she walked out of the room again and rushed off to find Mulder's doctor. 


	11. Chapter11

"Nnnnooooooooooooooo!!!!"  
  
Scully's haunting wail echoed through the small room, mixing with the continuous whine of the heart monitor. The medical team hurriedly turned Mulder over onto his back and the nurse readied the crash cart. She unhooked the paddles awaiting orders as to what voltage to charge them to from Dr Frank. He opened his mouth to give the order but was halted by a sudden shout from Kara.  
  
"Hold the paddles...I've got a pulse. ...It's strong and steady."  
  
"What? ...How can that be...the monitors show no cardiac activity."  
  
"Wait a minute...aha!"  
  
Kara held up the loose electrode pad that had slipped from Mulder's chest as they were turning him onto his side. She reattached it to the proper position on his chest and then waited for the heartbeat to register on the monitor once more.  
  
Scully had buried her face in her mother's shoulder once she had stopped her cry and had therefore not been aware of the conversation between doctor and student. When she heard the steady beep of the monitor fill the room, replacing the incessant drone, she lifted up her head and looked towards the monitors in disbelief. Thinking that she was just imagining it and being hopeful, she got up off the bed and crossed to Mulder's side. The nurse standing there moved out of her way, knowing that she needed proof that he was still alive. She lifted Mulder's uninjured arm up for Scully to feel the pulse in his wrist but Scully ignored it and instead felt for the pulse in his neck. When she found it she let out a noisy sob and then bent to kiss his cheek, kneeling on the floor so that her own cheek could rest beside his head on the pillow.  
  
With the danger now passed and the drugs administered, the doctor left with all three nurses and Kara, leaving Maggie and Scully alone with Mulder. Maggie brought the chair that she had been sitting in so that it sat beside the bed and guided her daughter to it. Scully sat down on it without acknowledging her mother's presence, so intent was she in keeping watch over Mulder. Her eyelids closed slowly and her breathing evened out signalling to Maggie that she had once again fallen asleep.  
  
Scully opened her eyes and blinked for everything had changed. She was no longer in the hospital room but instead was lying back on the beach. Standing up quickly, she started searching the horizon for any sign of Mulder immediately, knowing that she was in the same dream world where she had met him before. The calm sea that she had paddled in before had gone however and had been replaced by turbulent waters swirling madly against the rocks. Running along the beach, she scanned her entire visual field for Mulder and, just as she thought he was not there, she caught a glimpse of a figure standing high above her on the hill. Breathing a sigh of relief, she started towards him but her breath hitched as she realised he was moving away, toward the cliff edge. As she began to move faster, the clouds opened and heavy rain started to fall. Pushing her way through it, she frantically scrambled up the grassy path that would lead her to Mulder. She called out to him over and over again trying to make him stop and turn back from the edge.  
  
"Mulder...Mulder."  
  
"Scully...you're here."  
  
"Yes get me Mulder."  
  
"It's alright Scully...I'm going to come join you forever soon. Just a couple more steps."  
  
"Mulder no. Don't stop fighting...please"  
  
"I need you Scully...I can't go back, not now."  
  
"I need you too Mulder - I need you beside me, you can't give up. Please, come back to me."  
  
"It's okay Scully...I'm coming."  
  
Scully watched in horror as he moved closer to the cliff edge and looked down on the torrential waters below. She struggled against the howling wind to try and reach Mulder but she was terrified that she was going to be too late. Screaming to him to turn round and move towards her instead, she let out a sob when she saw that he had paused in his progress. Knowing that she needed to make him understand that he had to live, she raised her voice louder and called out to him again.  
  
"I love you Mulder...live for me! Live with me!"  
  
The words were torn from her mouth by the wind and she couldn't see whether or not Mulder had heard them. Just as she was about to repeat the message so that he would hear her she felt a sharp tug on her shoulder. Turning, she saw nothing there but when she returned her gaze to the cliff edge she found that the entire landscape was fading to black before her eyes. She wrestled against darkness that was obscuring her vision but she found herself unable to fight it and instead sank to her knees in the sand, head in hands.  
  
Scully startled awake when Maggie shook her gently and she turned away from Mulder for the briefest of instants. Maggie told her that she had been calling out in her sleep and she had thought it best that she woke her up. Nodding her understanding, Scully turned back to face Mulder and gasped in surprise. His eyelids began to flutter and as she watched in amazement his eyes opened fully and he shifted so that he was looking straight at her.  
  
"Mulder...You're awake!"  
  
"You...you're alive. The chip worked?"  
  
She nodded gently, squeezing his hand with her own and he urged her closer to him with a tug in return. She leant down thinking that he wanted to speak but instead he feebly began to pull her onto the bed beside him. She helped him out by climbing onto the bed and reclining along its length. They lay there side by side in contentment, knowing that everything was going to be all right now that they were together.  
  
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